Yeh... I stole that title from Eminem's "Not Afraid"... and this is why:
There was a time when I would blog about my past, tell my sordid stories of growing up in the inner city of Edmonton and over share WAY too much of my life with anyone who felt comfortable reading about it. I haven't done that for a while, mainly because my life is off limits as far as posting about it (plus you would be bored to fuck reading about my dinner menu or how I purged Lola's room for the 10th time this year, seriously who GIVES a shit about that shit?)
Then, my dear friend Jaimie Clements (who I met three years ago BECAUSE of this whole Cromdale bullshit) sent this: Jaimieclements9:49pm via Web
@YouAreFIERCE The Cromdale Hotel is no more! Crumbling to the ground as we speak.
Watching that building come down brick by brick, layer by layer, I can only equate it to how the Cromdale stripped away my own mom's life. She left her heart and soul in that building 30 years ago.
I remember.
I remember because I watched it happen, layer by layer, brick by brick, and to watch on video the slow, torturous demolition of the Cromdale Hotel was fitting because in so many ways, it reflected how my mother's life was stripped away; slowly, painfully, and layer by layer.
My 10-year-old son came into the kitchen while I watched this video and put his arm around me, asking, "Mom, did you know the people who lived there?"
I smiled through my tears and said, "One day, you will know why I'm crying about this."
He held me tightly and kissed my cheek.
"I love you mom." "Yeh," I said, swatting his ass. "I love you too." I didn't want him to see my pain or question why the demolition of this building he had never seen, meant anything to him. One day he will know what happened to me and why the demolition of the Cromdale Hotel has me in tears at 10:30 p.m., but tonight is not that night.
We all have our demons, our stories, and our baggage; it's what we choose to do with them is what matters.
Lola just came in and saw my twitter stream and said, 'Mom, I came to say goodnight but did you know that YOU ARE FIERCE?" (she says 'fuhse' some sort of accent I can't explain). I said, "Why do you say that??" She pointed to my Twitter stream and said, "Because you tell everyone else that THEY are FIERCE but really YOU are FIERCE!"
*sob* I broke the cycle. My kids are happy, content, and brave.
Do you define it by how you look? Or how you feel? Or what you do for a living?
We all have insecurities, we all have baggage and we all have scars but when it comes to what you are worth, remember this: You are PRICELESS.
No one else has your story, no one else has your beauty, and no one else has your scars.
All of those things make you beautiful.
You're not always going to feel like a 10 but *shrugs* what defines a 10? Who is to say that my idea of a 10 is the same as yours? Set the 10 to YOUR standards not what other people define as a 10.
I fell asleep last night at 8:30 p.m. after crawling into bed just before 8 p.m. and reading until the words in my book became a jumbled mess.
No wine, no martini, no nothing. Step 2.
I also stopped at the health food store to pick up some vitamins and get serious about this body reset thing.
85 days isn't a lot of time and I'm damn well not wasting one day at all.
Yesterday, I tweeted out to my good Twitter pal Heather aka @Smashfit and demanded asked nicely for some advice.
So I guess we shall see how the rest of today goes. In the mean time, don't forget to nominate the FIERCE Women in your life (open to women in Alberta only). Oh, and you should seriously consider becoming a FIERCE Sponsor. We only partner with the best of the best.
This is a story of two women. Both named Chris. Both 47. One full of life, ready to take on the world. The other, fighting a losing battle for her health. These women have never met, but they both are battling Cancer.
One with her life. The other by helping to find a cure.
I’m Chris, mom of three wonderful young adults, soccer player, Running Room instructor, perpetual volunteer and employee at a busy Pediatrics office in Edmonton.
I am surrounded by loving family and friends, I am full of life and I am ready to take on the world. And this is my story.The first time I heard about the Ride to Conquer Cancer was in February. It was only by chance that I found the flyer, which instantly caught my attention because I am always looking for something new to do, whether it’s ice climbing, running a marathon, driving to Mexico on a bus with 100 other people to build houses for those in need, or getting my motorcycle license. I don’t question my zest for life, I simply embrace it. I’m kicking 50 so “bring it on!”
The bright blue and yellow flyer read, Ride 200+ KM on a bicycle, after raising $2500 towards finding a cure! I was instantly intrigued and started to find reasons to ride; it’s for a good cause, the challenge of a two-day, 200+ km bicycle ride through the mountains, and I would have helped make a difference to those suffering from or directly affected by cancer.
I kept the brochure but didn’t follow up until Monday to get more information.
After speaking with Bradley at the Ride to Conquer Cancer office, I had to consider not only why but how I planned on registering; Individual? Team? Who am I riding for? How will I raise $2500? He helped alleviate my concerns and put the Ride into perspective.
I was convinced this was my next adventure.
Finding each other
A few weeks passed after that phone call and one afternoon at work, a patient’s mom walked in crying. I walked around my counter, offering tissues and a hug. She was distraught because she had only minutes before arriving, received the devastating news that her sister-in-law, Chris Bryan, had been diagnosed with Cancer. I was one of the first people she told and my heart was heavy with sadness for both Angie and Chris.
After Katelyn’s appointment, Angie and I chatted more about Chris. As Angie talked, all I could think of was, “What can I do to help?”
Chris, 47, is the same age as I am with basically the same family dynamics of three young adult children. I couldn’t shake this woman’s devastating news. I tried to put myself in her shoes but it was too horrifying to think about. I could shake the thoughts off - she couldn’t.
It was real for her.
It was her life now.
And she had to deal with it.
I called Angie a few days later to see how Chris was doing, and if they needed anything, not sure what I could have done. A few days later, Angie told me it was not good. Chris was in hospital for further testing and treatment.
At that point I had talked to Angie a few times when she told me about Chris’s blog and how I could go to her site and follow her progress.
I was a stranger to Chris, someone who simply watched her progress via her blog and would send “feel better wishes” through her family.
From afar, I prayed for her.
After a week or so reading her blog, I decided to do the Ride To Conquer Cancer for Chris, and went through Angie to put my request forth to Chris who was at that time, home on oxygen, awaiting test results and going to the hospital for treatments.
At that moment, she became my reason for doing this ride.
Angie told Chris about me wanting to do this ride for her, in her honour, and she was surprised that a stranger would do this for her but happy about it, too.
Over the next few weeks Chris’s health deteriorated and the blog entries stopped. She was too sick to update.
Chris was not doing very well. She was re-admitted to the hospital but Angie kept me informed about her health.
I asked if I could meet her. I thought I might be a bright spot for her in her dreary days of hospitals, pain, doctors, medications, and treatments. I thought by meeting me, a total stranger who is bringing a bit of hope to her world, it might lift her spirits knowing that through her name, through this Ride, that she’d be helping come one step closer to finding a cure. Angie said she’d ask and let me know.
Two days later Angie left a voicemail message on my work phone asking me to come to the hospital that day to see Chris. She had taken a turn for the worse. My heart felt so very heavy in my chest and all I could think about was that she was so young.
This was not the way it was supposed to be for a woman her age. There is so much more life to live. I wished I had magic dust that I could sprinkle over her which had the ability to make this go away for her.
Meeting Chris
I decided to go see her on my lunch hour. She was in the Misericordia Hospital in Edmonton, which is a few blocks from my office. Before I left work, I wrote a letter to Chris, thinking she could either read it when alone, or have her husband read it to her if she was not up to reading it. I stopped at Safeway and bought a simple, but the most beautiful bouquet of carnations. They were in a vase filled with orange slices, completely round and bright orange. I had never seen a bouquet like this one. “It’s perfect,” I thought, and off I went to meet the woman whose life had such an impact on mine.
I peeked in Chris’ room, and looking back at me were about 20 faces, probably wondering who I was. I was apprehensive, feeling like I was treading on sacred family time. I thought I would just introduce myself to Chris and her family, talk a bit about the Ride, and then leave them to their bonding and healing time.
What I walked into was a room of sadness. Chris was unconscious and hadn’t been awake in more than 24 hours. As I stood there being introduced to her mother, father, children, nieces, nephews, and friends, I realized she was not going to make it. I found myself standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by Chris’ family while she lay in the bed, slowly slipping away.
Her mom asked me if I wanted some time alone with her, saying they would leave the room for me to chat with her. I said no, for two reasons; I didn’t want to take their time with their Chris, and I was unprepared to find her this way.
I thought that when it came time for the Ride, she would be there to cheer me on, or welcome me back from it. To this day, my biggest regret is not taking that moment with Chris.
But what I did do was read my letter. I stood up in the middle of the room, surrounded by her loving family. The room went silent as I and read my letter to Chris.
At that moment, I felt so connected to her.
She was so important to me and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt sad as I looked at her in her hospital bed. Such a beautiful woman. She seemed peaceful. Like she knew her entire family was around her. If I could feel the love in that room, I’m sure Chris did too. Her feet were uncovered revealing ten purple painted toneails complete with white painted flowers. Her toes were my focus point when I became emotional, as I read my letter and composed myself.
Make It Go Away
That visit stayed with me the entire day. I was not my usual self at work, and everyone noticed, even commented. I couldn’t stop thinking about Chris. After work I got into my car still thinking about her.
I even wondered if I should go see her again. I turned on the CD player, wanting some mellow music. I bypassed eight songs until the song Make It Go Away by Holly Cole started playing. I listened to it three times and it was so obvious to me at that exact moment that this song was Chris’ way of finding me.
This is not the way you should see
me.
This is not the face I recognize
Make it go away. Cause I am weak,
and this is more than one should have
to take.
There are reasons with silver linings
There are lessons but I dont care
Cause I just need a hand that I can
hold onto
When its darker than death out there
Make It Go Away had such a powerful impact on me and renewed my commitment to Chris. It was like she was now a tired, weak soul and she was asking me to take over, to carry her.
I went back twice after that initial visit, thinking there was no way I could walk into their lives, their world and say “I’m riding for Chris,” then walk away.
I was connected.
Each visit, I met more of her family and friends. I would sit with her Mom as she told me stories about Chris and cried because she knew she was about lose her daughter. I comforted her with a hug, and encouragement of what a great life she had with Chris.
She said, “See, this is why you’re here. I thank you for coming here, and for doing this for our Chris.”
I knew it was just a matter of time for Chris.
One morning I called the hospital to check on Chris and the nurse told me the news, softly, with such a degree of sympathy, that Chris had passed away.
I hung up the phone and cried.
For the loss of a woman so young.
For her children, her husband, her family and for things she’ll never experience.
She was diagnosed December 16, 2008 and died April 16, 2009, five months to the day from being diagnosed to losing her battle.
At that moment, she became my angel.
I begin each cycle training with a moment of silence for Chris. I have her picture (in a plastic name tag holder) pinned to my bicycle bag. She’s with me. Her and I are doing this together. “we “ will raise this money toward the cure. Even in her death, she’s ‘helping others,” myself included.
I was unsure if I’d go to her funeral, again part of me felt I wasn’t a part of their family/friend group. But then it hit me! Chris and I were connected, and for me it was strong. I had to go to this funeral, I had to say goodbye to Chris, the woman whose life (and now death) have impacted my own life tremendously.
Her funeral was like none I’ve ever been to. I slowly walked in looking for familiar faces and was amazed with the amount of people there. I talked a bit with the family I had already met, and then it was time for everyone to take a seat.
But there were no seats! I had to stand, along with over a hundred other people. There must have been 4000 people there. What a testament to who Chris was in life. As I listened to her brother, sisters, husband, children, parents talk about her life, I became more and more proud of her. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this woman.”
Everyone who spoke had the same outlook of Chris; happy, fun, full of laughter, upbeat, positive, and loving. Although her life ended at 47, she touched the lives of so so very many people. Mine included, without ever meeting.
The voice of an angel
Angie’s daughter Katelyn, 4, was having a hard time understanding why Auntie Chrissy was not here anymore. Her parents (Chris’s brother Doug) and Angie told Katelyn that Chris was going to Heaven and would call when she got there and tell them she was OK.
They put it at the back of their minds, and thought that when she was older they would talk about it.
One day I called to see how everyone was doing. Angie answered the phone without saying hello, but rather, “Oh hi Chris !” and we chatted for a few minutes. Unbeknownst to Angie and I, Katelyn heard the phone ring, and her mother answer.
She asked, “Was that Auntie Chrissy calling to say she’s in heaven and OK?” Angie answered, “Yes, yes it was. She said she loves you too.” Katelyn ran off smiling, confident that Auntie was OK.
I cried when Angie called me later to tell me that story. I believe God has a part in all this. He placed us together for a reason. Although we may not understand the why of it all, we should realize that we’re all here to help each other, count on each other.
It could be your neighbour, your co-worker, or someone you’ve never met that might benefit by your actions to show concern, compassion, and love for a fellow human.
Personally, I have never been so touched by another person I have never actually have met. It goes to show that you can be connected or bonded through emotion, through thoughts, through the heart.
I feel so protective of Chris.
This is our ride.
And I will do her proud. F
Christine Jarvis on her final Ride to Conquer Cancer in June 2012
Editor’s Note: This is Christine Jarvis' story that was published in the 2009 Summer edition of MOM Magazine. Christine went on to ride in the Ride to Conquer Cancer every year until her death less than a month after her 51st birthday.
You never know when
your moments will be cut short so you want to be sure you lived them
with all of the joy, happiness and love you could have instead of
looking back wishing you had.
Regret doesn't belong so start doing what
your heart nudges you to do.
Love Life, Love YOU.
SherryLynn is our FIERCE Sparkle expert who shows you how to be positive when everyone around you is being negative. Her annoyingly perky attitude is contagious. Kinda like a flu... except you can't help but WANT to catch what she has.
Its not always the easy thing to do. Feel SPARKLY.
I have spent the last few weeks:
a) in bed sleeping
b) in bed fitfully awake or
c) forcing myself out of bed.
Yes, I was sick and not the pretty have a tissue handy sick. I mean the head feels like it weighs a million pounds, your chest has a 1000lb elephant sitting on it kinda sick. However, I still have a business to maintain AND I have people who look to me to add some SPARKLE into their day.
Sure, I can take a day or two to myself and go slightly un-noticed but the truth is I need to pull my head off the pillow and do it.
Remember what SPARKLE stands for:Showing People Authentic Respect Kindness & Love Everyday.
The first thing that can strike you is that SPARKLE isn’t always about you. It’s about those around you. That in itself is a motivator. When you take yourself out of the equation the answer becomes a little clearer to you.
So off my head came from the pillow to send the texts some were or might never had expected. To post my SPARKLE on my Facebook page. To hug my kids and give some extra snuggles to my husband. The responses I received were ones that motivated me to do it again the next day.
What if you aren’t sick? What if you are mad at the world?
That happens too. Sometimes we feel like the world is out to get us, that people around us don’t care and that everything is somehow just plain wrong. Those are the days I encourage you the most to ENGAGE your SPARKLE.
How? Ask yourself the all-important question, “Is what happened ABOUT me or did it simply AFFECT me?” If it affected you, cool, you can own that. It was your reaction to a particular action.
Very often we take things so personally that it fuels us into a place that we create ourselves, not that was truly meant to be. The situation is in front of us, we now have to control it. So when you ENGAGE you turn it around. When someone does something cruel or offensive, that is about them and their character. It does not have to be about you in any way. You choose to involve yourself. Don’t get confused and think I am telling you to show the person that hurt you respect, kindness and love. That wouldn’t be very authentic at all.
What I am telling you is to show yourself that SPARKLE instead. Turn it to the place that needs it. You.
That’s how this head picked up off the pillow. I showed myself some kindness and love by resting, not feeling guilty about that.
When my SPARKLE ENGAGED...I was able to do the little bits and pieces my body and mind allowed me. I always felt better when I did.
SherryLynn is our FIERCE Sparkle expert who shows you how to be positive when everyone around you is being negative. Her annoyingly perky attitude is contagious. Kinda like a flu... except you can't help but WANT to catch what she has.
I took a walk. Not just any walk. I took a walk that freed me from 25 years of silence. I stood in front of the Women's Building in SanFrancisco with @500 other people and I bonded with them as we began the SanFrancisco Women Against Rape's 7th Annual Walk Against Rape 5k.
I was joined by my oldest son and my good friend/walking partner and they held me up and kept my spirits high during the 5k walk throught the Mission District, Castro District and Potrero District.
The walk was a simple one, in fact the route was half a mile shorter than my daily walk. The hardest part of this walk for me dealing with my emotions and finally coming forth after 25 years and standing before the public and saying,I AM A RAPE SURVIVOR!
Meaning those words, owning them, finally understanding my own struggles about being raped and coming to terms withthis life-long struggle was definitely the triumph of the day!
A week before the walk, I received a notice that my 10 year-old daughter's dance troupe LOCO BLOCO would be providing entertainment at the end of a parade and supporting an important cause. This special event would serve as a LIVE rehearsal for San Francisco Carnaval. As I kept reading the announcement flyer, SFWAR leapt from the page. I hadn't thought about them in years. I hadn't shared their significance in my life with my husband or children. I hadn't used their services or fiscally supported them recently. I hadn't spoken about this organization in years, in fact the last time I spoke of them, I unfortunately was giving a young extended family member a referral for their services.
San Francisco Women Against Rape had intervened in my life when I initially was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) six years after I was raped. They provided supportive services for me that completely changed my life! The counselors, staff and survivors that I met there were such an important part of my life and healing! Frankly, I question what would my life have been like if I had not been introduced to them because I was: afraid, angry, bitter, depressed, distant, embarrassed, guilty, hard, out-of-control, numb, scared, scarred, shame-filled, seeking love, suffering, suffocating, and slowly dying!
I was a shell of my former bubbly, fun-loving, happy, and lively self. I had become someone that I didn't recognize. My boyfriend at the time did the best he could to love and support me, but I was fighting a battle so much larger than "us" that all that could do was love him the best I could, which was pretty limited and by even basic standards was clearly not enough! I remember sitting in a group session with SFWAR and being asked what types of things made me happy -- and I could not think of one thing! Not ONE thing. I was so consumed with hatred, guilt for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and loathing yyat myself for being a VICTIM, that I found joy in nothing. I was broken and they helped me bandage my life, mend my heart, and helped me find the courage to heal.
When I finished reading that announcement flyer I decided to walk. No more living in the shadows selectively informing those that I know what happened to me.
I decided to LIVE OUT LOUD!
I sent a text message to my husband and oldest son and I told them that I wanted to walk in the Women Against Rape walk the following Saturday. They were receptive and understood what I wanted to do. Next, I went on Facebook and I posted on my wall for 556 friends, family members, acquaintances and professional associates to read about the most profound secret that I had kept for 25 years:
I made the decision to walk in the San Francisco Women Against Rape's 7th Annual Walk Against Rape next Saturday. I am so proud of all of the work they do and I wouldn't be able to say that I AM A SURVIVOR without them!
With that brief announcement on Facebook, the flood gates of caring, love, hope, empathy, understanding and peace overtook me. I was bombarded with messages in my Facebook inbox and friends posted encouragement on my wall! The terror of silence and the fear of alienation left me and friends quietly confided in me that they too had been raped and lived in silence, or they simply applauded my strength in
acknowledging my truth. Through my choice to live out loud I helped others find their voice by me sharing about this walk!
On the morning of of the walk, I posted another note on Facebook:
As I prepare to walk against rape this morning, I will be joining a chorus of men and women that refuse to live in silence, shame and fear anymore. We refuse to live as victims and we choose to live as survivors. I will be supported by family and friends that will be with me physically and the rest
of you will be there in my heart.
So, as my excitement built about the walk and we arrived at the end of the walk route to park our car, and my husband dropped us off at the beginning of the walk route, I began to reflect on all that I had been feeling for the past 25 years as I prepared to walk. I thought of how the years of silence had impacted my life. I thought about how I was able to continue on with my life living silently and how much better my life got when I decided that I didn't have to stay trapped by my fears of the past!
As my son, friend and me walked in the Castro District, I heard a voice screaming my name. I scanned through the crowd of people on the streets and on the sidewalks and I was surprised to see one of my elementary school mates and her mother waving at me. Two people that loved me as a child and watched me grow up. Miles and years had separated us, our families connecting through pictures and notes through Facebook and they read my post about the walk and came to San Francisco to support me. My heart jumped in my chest as the tears began to stream from my eyes when I reached them and gave them both a big hug. I don't think that they will ever know how much I appreciated seeing them along the route especially since they drove 40 miles from home to be there! Their being there gave me an affirmation that I was loved,
supported and doing just fine!
The walk through the Mission District continued to be overwhelming, thought-provoking and powerful. People honked their horns in support of our cause, the University of San Francisco contingent lead a chorus of chants against rape, store merchants walked out of their shops cheering us on offering us free bottles of
cold water and fresh fruit.
Never have I felt such an outpouring of love and support from a community of strangers. Love that could have helped me heal earlier if I was receptive to receiving it. Love that reminded me that I am so much more than the terrible thing that happened to me. Love that restored my faith in mankind and in strangers.
When we completed our 5k walk we were greeted at La Raza Plaza by volunteers and a wonderful lunch spread. My emotions were raw, I could not eat and I suddenly became silent, but this silence was okay. This silence came from living out loud, lifting my voice, speaking my truth and finally feeling at peace with everyone knowing that I AM A RAPE SURVIVOR!
__
Ending notes:
It has taken me a month to collect my thoughts on participating in the San Francisco Women Against Rape's 7th Annual Walk Against Rape. I'd like to thank my Boss/Sista from Anotha Mista Tamara for allowing me the time I needed to process my feelings, supporting me in my decision to walk and write about it and for loving me enough to tell me to walk away from writing this until I was ready to.
I'd like to thank my supporting cast of characters as well:
* My husband for your support and quiet strength as I've struggled to get to this point in my life when I have chosen to LIVE OUT LOUD!.
* My son for your jokes, encouragement, acceptance and "protection" as I walked (Yes, you were the Braun in our contingent of three).
* My girlfriend and walking partner for your heart, understanding and undying support and for getting up at the butt-crack of dawn and walking with me on a Saturday morning with coffee in your hand and a smile on your face!!!
* My ex for talking with me about this part of my journey towards healing, supporting my decision to walk and forgiving me for the damage I caused by being "silent" all of those years!
* My parents for their undying support (my Mom here on earth and my Dad from heaven), grace and love as I have struggled to come to terms with with who I was, who I became, and who I am now! Thank you for ALWAYS loving me, caring for me, supporting me and for being the BEST PARENTS EVER!!!!
* My Church Family for helping me mend my heart, to learn true forgiveness and for helping me remember to forgive others just as GOD has forgiven me.
* My friends (past, current, virtual and future) for taking this journey with me!
Be brave and be well!
Sammie Love is
the pen name of a wife, mother of three children, and an Early Childhood Educator and
Professional Development Trainer for Teachers. She is a sexy erotica writing super heroine unleashing passion on
paper by night. She is an active blogger and has recently started
writing a book about parenting children with learning differences.
One year ago I wrote an article called Embracing My Scars for MOM Magazine. That article was the first time that I had ever told the general public that I was brutally raped when I was nineteen years old and how I have struggled with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome My life has changed so much in the past year since I
wrote that article.
I have learned that I am stronger than yesterday. I am stronger when I am open to receive the love of others. I am stronger when I share what is on my heart with others instead of shutting them out. I am stronger when I rely on the word of the LORD and not my own understanding.
Embracing My Scars was just the beginning of me getting stronger. What I wrote in that article was I was a cancer and rape survivor but I hadn't really looked at so many other underlying issues that I had like: lack of trust, a hard heart and a body that was finally cracking under the weight of deep seeded depression and anxiety. My body was internally attacking me and it manifested itself through anxiety, weight gain and withdrawal.
My relationship with food and supressing feelings of inferiority after being raped made me withdraw from friends and potential friends. I always felt like I was never good enough to be their friend. I felt damaged and my heart felt broken.
I had a few special friends that I clung to this year and I opened up to them. One friend introduced me to another friend and another friend introduced me to more friends. I remember when one of them told me, "Life is too short to be unhappy! You are beautiful, intelligent and you are my sister and you don't have to settle for less than you deserve."
I've clung to those words. Those words held me when my job was downsized, when I had a car accident and my car was totaled, and when my anxiety wouldn't allow me to get back into a car. Those words gave me hope when I accepted a new job only to be let go because the license for the school hadn't been issued. I grabbed those words when I developed gallstones and kidney stones and had to have the kidney stones surgically removed. Those words helped me to build my confidence and to establish boundaries and set personal goals for happiness. Those words became my mantra when I hit rock bottom and I surrendered to GOD to help lift me back up!
As I reflect on this year I am so amazed at how GOD has worked in and through me:
I have opened up with friends and family about what happened to me and I have really expanded my writing to be more reflective of the journey I am on to heal all of the fragments of my life.
I have mended fences with people I shut out of my life after I was raped and I explained that I was too embarrassed to tell them what I was going through because I didn't understand it myself.
I have written a series of articles that go into detail about my recent health scare (suspected uterine cancer) and the positive outcome.
I studied the bible with a group of sisters and I have joined a bible based Church that I LOVE!
I began to look at my relationship with food and my body image. I sought help from my doctor's and I began a "walking discovery journey" and I have recently lost 75 pounds.
And the final piece of the puzzle is I've decided to participate in the San Francisco Women Against Rape's 7th Annual Walk Against Rape on Saturday, April 28, 2012.
I am lighter and truly walking in the light. There are still dark days but with GOD's grace, the love of my family, my "Sista from Anotha Mista", Church and friends I have risen from tragedy to triumph and I truly know that which does not kill me will make me stronger. As I said before, I am stronger than yesterday and "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
Be Brave, Be Well *Sammie Love
Sammie Love is a wife, mother of three children, and an Early Childhood Educator and Professional Development Trainer for Teacher's entering the field by day. She is a sexy erotica writing super heroine unleashing passion on paper by night. She is an active blogger and has recently started writing a book about parenting children with learning differences.
Ugh. I hate this question. I hate it so much that when someone asks me what I do, I physically feel myself cringe and automatically force a fake smile and start tripping over my words.
"Oh, you know, I.. uh, well. I have this community of women and there are events and... the FIERCE awards are the signature event..."
Yeh it's always awkward.
I don't know what has happened to me, seriously. I used to BE the publisher of MOM Magazine. I used to know who I was and what I did when I had something tangible to show people. Not only have the past 2 1/2 years stolen chunks of my memory but it's damn well stolen my identity, too. Well. I gave it up, stepped away from, and let go of it; No blame game, I own all of the mistakes and choices I made.
Anyway, yeh, no print mag means no identity for me; I defined who I was by what I did.
Now, having this mish mash of elements that make up FIERCE with nothing really tangible (yet... I need one more month before I launch what will be the flagship product for FIERCE), it has seriously spun me into one fuck of an identity crisis.
Ahem. So, Danielle, thank you for forcing me to figure this shit out at 8 a.m.
Before I go any further with my day, I will figure out an introduction on who I am, what I do and how to let people know without coming across as a rambling dumbass who lacks confidence and direction.
I am FIERCE. I have created a community where women empower, inspire and engage each other in a no-catty bullshit environment. We host events throughout the year culminating in our signature event, the FIERCE Women of the Year awards. Our blogs keep our readers connected to events in Edmonton, and introduce them to FIERCE women all over the world. Best of all, we affirm through our brand that "You Are FIERCE!"
Dammit all to hell I'm a better writer than I am a speaker. OK, well that's a start right?? RIGHT!?!? BAH! BAH! BAH! BAH!!
By Ashley Fraser-Sexmith, founder of Kula Klips Kula Klips is celebrating it's 6th anniversary and Ashley was kind enough to share 6 entrepreneurial lessons she has learned over the past 6 years.
1. Being an entrepreneur is tough! I didn't realize how many hours had to be put into running your own company if you want to be successful at it.
2. Don't assume you can work with the kids. I started this business way before I had children but I see many entrepreneurs start up because they think hey I can work from home and take care of my kids at the same time. WRONG! You may be able to do this some of the time but I can tell you first hand children take up a lot of time. Yes there are days I get things done with the kiddo's but I made the decision to hire childcare 2x a week and I have an assistant that helps me get it all done (no smoke and mirrors here!)
3.There's A LOT of bills that have to be paid! Sure anyone can have a great idea and start a business but the amount of bills that go into it is crazy! If you do decide to become an entrepreneur I suggest you meet with a business advisor or do your research first. There's nothing worse than not being prepared!
4. Don't sweat the small stuff. You've heard it before, I am reiterating
it, there are so many little things that can happen and if you get yourself worked up or stressed out over it all you'll never be able to handle it.
5. Make friends in the industry. It's amazing what I have learned from the fabulous people I've met over the years in the children's industry. Whether it be at a trade show or even on Twitter, its great to feel connected to others going through the same things as you.
6. Find a balance. This is so important when you have a family! Remember the kids are only little once! I have time set aside for work and time set aside for family, this logic has made me a better wife and mother because I am there when my family needs me and they understand when it's time for me to work. Don't forget about yourself to because everyone needs a little time to do things for themselves.
Twitter is a useful little tool but let me tell you one of my absolute pet peeves when it comes to Social Media: I hate cliquey Twits.
I do. I despise them as much as I despise cliquey bitches in real life.
Let me explain.
Social Media is all about engaging, connecting and conversations. Sure, we all are pimpin' something and have to run a business so we are selling ourselves or a service BUT that doesn't mean you have to set yourself apart from the Twitterverse by ignoring questions, comments, complaints or other Tweets.
Yes, we have all dealt with the Trolls or seen the drama on Twitter but you can still choose to engage with the people who want to converse with you. It's easy to become friends with a small group of Twits or develop online relationships that are stronger with some people that others but it doesn't mean you should blatantly ignore your audience.
On the flip side of that, Twitter IS a live chat so you may not always see the tweets that come your way (unless you're like me and have your Blackberry glued to your hand) but that doesn't mean you can't monitor your twitter stream. And yes, I get that you may be bombarded with tweets but making an effort to converse is a lot better than completely ignoring people.
Let me give you a couple of positive examples because I see no point in posting negative examples:
I love Perez Hilton. I know, I know, he's not for everyone but I see beyond his online persona that he has created and admire the little empire he has established. Every once in a while, I'll tweet at him and ask a a celeb-related question not really expecting a response (the guy has 4,800,000 followers and he only follows 485 people) but one day, he replied to my tweet! It was the coolest moment of my day knowing that someone with THAT many followers saw my inconsequential tweet and took a moment to reply.
This one time at bandcamp... wait, wrong story. This one time, I was lamenting about that fact that the FIERCE Christmas party was the SAME night as director Kevin Smith and his bestie Jason Mewes were going to be in town, and GUESS WHAT!?
I just about died. I'm not even kidding. OK well died is the wrong word... cancelled my event is the phrase I was looking for. Anyway, the point is, he has 185,000 followers (but only follows 264 people, tsk tsk) but he STILL took a minute to respond to me.
Are you the non-celeb Twit who has 15,867 followers but only follows 24 people?
That annoys me too. What makes you think your message is SO important that you are only here to talk and not listen? Is your message more important than someone else's message? Are you the Dalai Lama? Uhm. No. I'm guessing you're not.
This mentality reminds me of the movie Titanic, specifically Rose's pretentious mother who asked if the lifeboats would be seated according to class. Well excuuuuuuuuuuse me, Mrs. Dewitt Bukatur, but I won't be taking my 3rd Class ass back to Steerage. In fact, you can kiss it. Snap, snap and OH SNAP!
I understand that celebrities have millions of followers and it would be nearly impossible to manage an account by following all of your fans BUT if you're not Lady Gaga or Oprah, chances are you don't have millions of followers.
I'm not saying follow every person who follows you because clearly that would be hypocritical on my part since I don't follow everyone who follows mehowever I do follow people who intrigue me or engage me in conversations.
It's SOCIAL media, people. SOCIALIZE. Mingle. Chat. Make small talk. Develop relationships. ENGAGE!
Ahem.
If you need me I'll be drinking coffee and awaiting your comments/tweets.
Editing assignment: get rid of the clothes you don’t LOVE this week. And while you’re clearing them out, with each item, name and release a negative opinion about yourself. ~ Danielle LaPorte
Theoretically, Spring is here (if you're in Alberta, you know why I'm saying theoretically; all this snow makes it feel like we should be decorating for the damn holidays) and it's a great time to clean out your closet.
Purge the negativity and improve
your self-esteem. Win-win!
We all have that bitchy little voice in our head that reminds us of how we can't succeed, don't deserve happiness, need to lose weight, aren't pretty enough, and so much other bullshit.
If you can detox your life starting with this one simple exercise, it will be a small step to a healthier you.
Will you try this? Let me know if you do and how you felt before, during and after.
P.S. For more Danielle awesomeness, go to her website. She is FIERCE!
