Stronger Than Yesterday...

By Sammie Love

One year ago I wrote an article called Embracing My Scars for MOM Magazine. That article was the first time that I had ever told the general public that I was brutally raped when I was nineteen years old and how I have struggled with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome My life has changed so much in the past year since I
wrote that article.

I have learned that I am stronger than yesterday. I am stronger when I am open to receive the love of others. I am stronger when I share what is on my heart with others instead of shutting them out. I am stronger when I rely on the word of the LORD and not my own understanding.

Embracing My Scars was just the beginning of me getting stronger. What I wrote in that article was I was a cancer and rape survivor but I hadn't really looked at so many other underlying issues that I had like: lack of trust, a hard heart and a body that was finally cracking under the weight of deep seeded depression and anxiety. My body was internally attacking me and it manifested itself through anxiety, weight gain and withdrawal.

My relationship with food and supressing feelings of inferiority after being raped made me withdraw from friends and potential friends. I always felt like I was never good enough to be their friend. I felt damaged and my heart felt broken.

I had a few special friends that I clung to this year and I opened up to them. One friend introduced me to another friend and another friend introduced me to more friends. I remember when one of them told me, "Life is too short to be unhappy! You are beautiful, intelligent and you are my sister and you don't have to settle for less than you deserve."

I've clung to those words. Those words held me when my job was downsized, when I had a car accident and my car was totaled, and when my anxiety wouldn't allow me to get back into a car. Those words gave me hope when I accepted a new job only to be let go because the license for the school hadn't been issued. I grabbed those words when I developed gallstones and kidney stones and had to have the kidney stones surgically removed. Those words helped me to build my confidence and to establish boundaries and set personal goals for happiness. Those words became my mantra when I hit rock bottom and I surrendered to GOD to help lift me back up!

As I reflect on this year I am so amazed at how GOD has worked in and through me:

•  I have opened up with friends and family about what happened to me and I have really expanded my writing to be more reflective of the journey I am on to heal all of the fragments of my life.
• I have mended fences with people I shut out of my life after I was raped and I explained that I was too embarrassed to tell them what I was going through because I didn't understand it myself.
• I have written a series of articles that go into detail about my recent health scare (suspected uterine cancer) and the positive outcome.
• I studied the bible with a group of sisters and I have joined a bible based Church that I LOVE!
• I began to look at my relationship with food and my body image. I sought help from my doctor's and I began a "walking discovery journey" and I have recently lost 75 pounds.
• And the final piece of the puzzle is I've decided to participate in the San Francisco Women Against Rape's 7th Annual Walk Against Rape on Saturday, April 28, 2012.

I am lighter and truly walking in the light. There are still dark days but with GOD's grace, the love of my family, my "Sista from Anotha Mista", Church and friends I have risen from tragedy to triumph and I truly know that which does not kill me will make me stronger. As I said before, I am stronger than yesterday and "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Be Brave, Be Well
*Sammie Love


Sammie Love is a wife, mother of three children, and an Early Childhood Educator and Professional Development Trainer for Teacher's entering the field by day. She is a sexy erotica writing super heroine unleashing passion on paper by night. She is an active blogger and has recently started writing a book about parenting children with learning differences.


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